Bear Down Baffa

It’s been exactly 8 months since the Bears were about to win a playoff game.  And if it wasn’t for “Squi,” we might still be celebrating a Supa Bow victory.  But instead, our squad is pissed, and ready to take someone’s head off as soon as a whistle blows.  And with the talent (FINALLY), a scheme to which it’s perfectly suited, and a chip the size of Denali on their shoulders, there is nothing to stop the Bears from winning SB54.  Yup, this is the year we’ve been waiting for, folks.  Since Cutler rode that bike on the sidelines as we lost the NFC championship 8 LONG years ago.  And this isn’t just some “homer” talking.  I’ve been writing this blog for 18 years, and I always start the year thinking we’re gonna bring home the Lombardi.  But this year, I actually mean it!

Yeah, I didn’t go either

The Low Down
The Bears headed into the draft with only 2 holes to fill (That’s what she said) – a RB suited to our scheme, and a kicker.  And we nailed 1 of them (That’s what she said)!  The kicking game remains a mess, but we might not even need a kicker.  We’re positioned better than even the craziest of us Super Fans had dreamed.  We’re returning 19 of 22 starters on O and D.  Over the last decade of offseasons, we’d wonder which of the many holes we’d try to fill, and then cry ourselves to sleep as we realized we were still in the rebuild.  But this offseason, it was about fine-tuning a team already laden with talent.  Which is much, much easier to do.  And way more fun, btw.  Which is why I’m just gonna cut to the chase…

We didn’t come here, lookin’ for trouble…

The Top 10 Reasons The Bears Will Win The Supa Bow This Year

10.  “The Captain And” Khalil Mack.  This is what everyone was thinking, so I figured I’d get it out of the way.  He’s the best player in the NFL right now, hands down, and we were a top 10 D before him.  He makes us All-Time, especially in his 2nd season with us.  I predict that the Bears will retire his number before the playoffs even start.

9.  Roquan “The Parthenon” Smith.  He missed camp last year, started only 14 games, and yet he STILL led us in tackles (121, just 4 short of Urlacher’s rookie record), finished 3rd in sacks (5), and tied for 4th in tackles for loss (8).  He’s the very definition of “fly on the field and get on down.”  It’s only a matter of time before he’s talked about in the same class as Mack.

8.  Coach “If I Don’t Get A Snickers By Halftime, I Get A Little” Nagy.  He’s young, he’s smart, he’s creative.  He won Coach of the Year as a rookie.  And now he’s got a whole season of coaching under his belt, including a playoff loss.  He went 12-4 while ironing out the coaching kinks, and with a young QB who was unfamiliar with his system.  This year, the Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens on 2/2/20 is the limit for him.

I can’t tell if he’s watching Parkey miss, or getting a handy

7.  New Defensive Coordinator Chuck “Don’t Call Me No Pagan” Pagano.  Our front 7 is the best in football, so he wasn’t hired to “coach them up.”  He’s a secondary specialist, brought in to assist where we made our only 2 changes defensively (FS and NB).  And to push the pace.  Last year, Fangio’s Bears blitzed the fewest times in the NFL.  Imagine last year’s D, but more aggressive, and with a secondary built for takeaways.  It’s gonna be silly!  You watch – defensive records will be broken this year.

6.  Mike “Even I Know I Won’t Touch The Ball This Year” Davis.  The last time we guaranteed money to a guy, and then quickly used our top draft pick to replace him, was Mike Glennon & Mitchell Trubisky.  And we’re about to see how smart that latter move was.  Knowing that we’d draft our franchise RB to replace Davis, the Bears were throwing off the scent that we were targeting a RB in the draft.  And because of that, we were able to nab that franchise RB with…

5.  David “3-Card Monte” Montgomery.  Even though we drafted him in the 3rd round, he was only the 4th RB taken, so he’s talented.  And we traded up to get him, so you know he’s a fit for our scheme, which Jordan Howard wasn’t.  So even if this guy is just decent, he’ll be a big improvement in our running game.  But if he’s good, he’ll change how defenses have to scheme against us.  And with all of our other weapons, that could make us dangerous.  On offense, people.  Dangerous on offense.  To go along with OUR defense.  Nnnn, that’s just nasty!

Please don’t try to beat his hustle…

4.  WR Corps.  We have more talent than any WR group in franchise history:  Allen “Coo Coo Ca Choo Mrs.” Robinson, Taylor “Genesis Was Better Without Peter” Gabriel, Anthony “Lite Beer From” Miller, Cordarrelle “Don’t Call Me Corduroy” Patterson, Javon “Musk For Men” Wims, and Riley “Plus a ‘D’ =” Ridley.  Our worst WR right now (Ridley’s Believe It Or Not) would’ve been our best just 3 years ago.

3.  Free Safety Ha Ha “The Last Time I Heard That Joke, I Laughed So Hard That I Fell Off My Dinosaur!” Clinton-Dix.  Green Bay paid $36M (over 4 years) for former-Bear Adrian Amos, who was a run-stuffer but without ball skills.  We’re paying $3.25M for a ballhawk who’ll catch anything thrown his way.  We turned last year’s lone defensive weakness (and why teams came back on us by passing late) into a strength, and for a 3rd of the price.  Boom.

2.  Nickel Back Buster “I Skrine, You Skrine, We All Skrine For Ice” Skrine was our only other change defensively.  We let Bryce Callahan walk, and signed the guy that Nagy called the best Nickel in the NFL when we played the Jets last year.  And we did it for $1.5M less than Callahan is getting to play for Fangio in Denver.  Savvy.

The Cutler, Lovie and Urlacher that we’ve been waiting for

1.  The Troubador.  Nagy said he’d only call plays that Truby has run successfully in the past.  He’s also commented on how much more command el Truberino has of the system.  The Biscuit will be able to go all the way down through his checks, recognize what teams are showing him quicker, identify and capitalize on mismatches more, and run the O like a professional.  What most people don’t seem to realize is that he finished last year (his 1st in a complex scheme) with a 95 season QBR, something Cutler never did.  Trubes also threw 24 TDs – just 4 fewer than Jay’s career best.  And that’s just his 2nd year in the league.  The trajectory points to this year (and next) as the time he reaches his full potential.  And while I’m not crowning him king just yet, I firmly believe Lt. Pete Mitchell is poised for a big year (like 68%, 4,000 yards, 30 TDs, and 10 INTs).  And that will be PLENTY with our defense.

Season Prediction
In seasons past, I consistently predicted we’d go 16-0 (again).  But over the past few years, I’ve made realistic projections on the Bears record.  I’ve been off by 2 games now for 3 straight years.  And while I realistically believe we can go 16-0 (we had leads in all 4 losses last year, 3 of them double-digit leads), I’m gonna go with 14-2 (and 6-0 in the division).  That way I’ll be 2 games off again when we DO go 16-0!  Da BEARS!!

The Bears 2019 Schedule.  You’re welcome.

Feeling prognosticative yourself?  Submit your prediction in the comments below before kickoff on Thursday (9/5).  Include your Super Fan name, your number of Bear wins, and the number of division wins as a tie-breaker.  Whoever is closest without going over will be rewarded with either a picture of the Butler’s bare booty, or a handy from my brother.  Dealer’s choice.

I bet there’s 53 guys just ACHING to make up for this!
Or just ACHING for a handy.

BEAR DOWN!

Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!

#MmmmTheButlersBareBooty
#MmmmDealersChoice
#FourHandies

PS  My brother said I couldn’t say handy 3 times in this post (and now it’s 5…make that 6…)

#SixHandies
#SorryMom

© 2019

This entry was posted on Wed, Sep 4, 2019 at 6:40 pm and is filed under b) 2019 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.